Grief: What to Actually Expect After Losing a Loved One | Spann Funeral Home
Grief: What to Actually Expect (And What No One Tells You)
Grief is one of the most universal human experiences and one of the least understood.
Almost everyone knows the phrase 'the five stages of grief.' Fewer people know that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who developed the model in 1969, described it as a framework for understanding terminal patients processing their own impending death — not a predictive model for how bereaved survivors grieve. Even fewer know that decades of subsequent research has found that grief simply does not work the way most people assume.
This article is not a clinical resource. I am a funeral director, not a therapist. But I have sat with hundreds of grieving families over 25 years, and I have seen the damage that misconceptions about grief can cause families who think they are broken because they are not following a 'stage,' families who are told they should be 'over it' months after a devastating loss, families who suffer in silence because their grief does not match the script.
You deserve better information than that.
Grief has no timeline, no correct sequence, and no proper endpoint.
These are not poetic sentiments — they are what modern research actually shows.
What We Now Know About Grief
Contemporary grief research including studies from the National Cancer Institute, the American Journal of Psychiatry, and research institutions around the world has moved significantly beyond the five-stage model. Here is what the current evidence actually shows
Grief Is Not Linear
Research published by grief scholars including Dr. Robert Neimeyer and the dual process model developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut describes grief as a dynamic, oscillating process not a series of stages completed in sequence. Bereaved individuals move back and forth between confronting loss and orienting to life, often in the same day.
Grief Takes Time, Often More Than People Expect
According to research reviewed in Simply Psychology (2026), acute grief, the most intense, preoccupying form typically diminishes substantially within 6 to 12 months for most bereaved people. However, there is no correct duration for grief. Cultural messages suggesting grief should be 'over' within months are not supported by evidence. The one-year mark, while sometimes referenced as a milestone, does not represent an endpoint.
Grief Has Physical Symptoms
Research has consistently shown that grief can impair sleep, disturb appetite, weaken immune function, and manifest as physical pain. Some bereaved individuals experience cardiac symptoms the 'broken heart' phenomenon is physiologically real. Many experience difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, and mental fog. These are not signs of weakness; they are documented biological responses to loss.
Many Emotions Are Normal — Including Some That Surprise You
The range of emotions associated with grief extends well beyond sadness. Relief, particularly after a long illness, is a common and normal grief response, and it is often accompanied by guilt about feeling it. Anger, numbness, anxiety, even moments of unexpected joy are all part of the landscape of normal grief. There is no emotion that disqualifies you from grieving properly.
When Grief Becomes Complicated
Most bereaved people navigate their grief and, over time, integrate the loss into their lives. However, research suggests that approximately 7 to 10 percent of bereaved adults experience what is now clinically recognized as Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) persistent, intense grief that significantly interferes with daily functioning more than a year after the loss.
PGD was formally recognized as a diagnosable condition in the DSM-5-TR (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) in 2022. Its recognition represents an important shift: acknowledging that for some people, grief is not just a painful experience but a clinical condition that responds to treatment.
Warning signs that grief may benefit from professional support include:
• Intense longing or yearning for the deceased that does not diminish over time
• Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss, even many months later
• Feeling that life is meaningless without the deceased
• Bitterness or anger about the loss that persists intensely
• Difficulty engaging in daily activities or maintaining relationships
• Thoughts of wanting to die in order to be with the deceased
If you recognize these signs in yourself or someone you love, reaching out to a mental health professional who specializes in grief is a meaningful and appropriate step. The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) helpline is available at 1-800-950-NAMI
Grief at Different Points in the Year
Many bereaved families find that grief intensifies around particular times: the first anniversary of the death, birthdays, holidays, and family gatherings. This is documented, expected, and normal. Some clinicians refer to this as 'anniversary grief.'
At Spann Funeral Home, we send a personal card to every family we serve on the one-year anniversary of their loved one's passing. This is not a marketing gesture it is an acknowledgment of something real. The first anniversary is often as difficult as the weeks immediately following the death, and we want families to know they are not forgotten.
Support Resources in Middle Tennessee
If you are grieving and looking for support beyond family and friends:
• GriefShare — grief support groups meeting throughout Dickson County and Middle Tennessee; find a local group at griefshare.org
• Alive Hospice Grief Support — open to the community, not just hospice families; alivehospice.org
• Mental Health Cooperative — serving Dickson County; mhc-tn.org
• Tennessee Strong — mental health resources for Tennesseans; strongtn.org
Crisis Line — Tennessee Statewide Crisis Line: 1-855-274-7471
From Us to You
We serve families in the middle of their worst days. We see grief up close raw, complicated, and utterly individual. There is no right way to grieve, no correct timeline, and no grief too large for you to carry with the right support.
If you need to talk, even just to a voice on the other end of a phone, call us. We are not therapists, but we are people who have walked this road with many families, and we are always willing to listen.
